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 Jayden Malkoff

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Jayden N Malkoff
Wizard Teenager
Wizard Teenager

Posts : 26
Points : 1746
Join date : 2012-12-20

PostSubject: Jayden Malkoff   Fri Jul 19, 2013 8:39 am

Yesterday I lost the baby, gods it had me all messed up but my mom says the pain would subside once I rest. Hiding this had been the worst idea ever, and to think being a mom at 15 would have been chaotic, no I can’t do that to my mate. Mate oh gods how can I face him now as I sit here looking at his sleeping body I wonder how much this had to hurt him and it scares me that our relationship will hurt for a long time. No mom says it shouldn’t that our bond shouldn’t allow it but how can she know she is married to Trick. Oh dear Trick he was so mad at Kyr but he got over it quick still he is being watched even if we can share rooms at moms house simply because I am weak from the procedure I hate to mention. I love Kyr and don’t think I can survive without him, but it scares me to think he will reject me for what was done two days ago.

Also my brother I think he hates me I am scared that our twinship will be broken because I can’t seem to make him happy. All I want is for me and him to be the best buds we were before I mated with Kyr, but that is a long shot because he feels Kyr stole me from him or something to the sort. Gods I miss my brother so much shocking isn’t it I do I love him to pieces and he doesn’t get it. As for Maria well tough for him he either likes her or not can’t teach an old dog new tricks is what mom said. Mom her I adore I love her so much it hurts to see her cry especially when she saw me so scared and vulnerable god I hated seeing her like that. The woman gave her youth for me and Jake so much so that she still sees us as her babies even if we are almost 15 years of age.

Well I better catch some zzzz before Kyr wakes and tells me off for not sleeping. Oh another thing gods I miss talking to Vane the runt messed that up but I am hoping now that he is mated and calmer I hope for Rebecca sake that he will come around. Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble on journal till tomorrow.

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Jayden N Malkoff
Wizard Teenager
Wizard Teenager

Posts : 26
Points : 1746
Join date : 2012-12-20

PostSubject: Re: Jayden Malkoff   Thu Nov 07, 2013 9:46 pm

Journal Entry 11/05/2039

I can think of many reasons to never say anything about Maria’s drug problem but it would be wrong of me to divulge this with anyone. I haven’t been forward with Kyr since then and the fact of the matter is I think this is why I feel so sick to my stomach about this. How do I approach this subject? Today I tried to reach out and asked questions but in reality nothing works I have concluded that there is no easy way to confront this matter no matter how well educated someone is.

My mother thinks or thought it was me doing the drugs but we all know it wasn’t I am too scared to even dare do something that foolish. Maria I think would blame her past and the way she has been brought up not to care for anything. Honestly I think it has to do with her past this is a cry out for help and it scares me because I want to help her I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.

Jake irks me to no end I thought being my twin my good behavior or somewhat good behavior would rub off to him but lately my poor mother has been having panic attacks over him coming home late riding the bloody bike. The woman issue doesn’t bother me at all he is a man but for one thing I am grateful is that Kyr never seems to look at other girls. Fact is it’s not in his nature to care for anyone but me, have I said I love my mate? Yeah he is my love life but sometimes I wish I could get a break from him knowing everything I am doing or feeling. It reminds me of what my mother went through with Rick, not able to breath and be independent was hard on my mother and it is taking a toll on me too. I love him don’t ever get me wrong on this but sometimes I want to just be me, do me, have nothing else to care for but me.

Ok so I need individuality and I envy Jake for that. I mated early and no I never regret that but can’t a compromise be met doesn’t he know I am not going anywhere that I am his for life? Is that is the case than why can’t I have some independence? Jake has it and even if it drives my mother insane I agree with it.
Well I think I have typed enough and not to mention I hear footsteps in the hallway so I will try and keep this posted more often.

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